Have you ever had a bitter taste stuck in your mouth, until you ate something sweet? The moment that sweetness touches your taste buds, the bitterness begins to disappear. The same goes for emotional bitterness. The moment you decide to offer up forgiveness (eating the sweet), bitterness disperses.
Bitterness ruins our lives. Once bitterness enters our hearts, it doesn’t just stick towards one person. It begins to spill over onto everyone we encounter throughout our days. It’s like an infectious bacteria that will not leave, until you take the prescription of forgiveness. Most people will not take the medication. They choose to suffer; some until their last days; some until their grave.
I have come to realize there are three “people” we become bitter towards:
- People as a whole.
- God.
- Ourselves.
1. WE BECOME BITTER TOWARDS PEOPLE
There’s the people who slander us, mock us, and constantly put us down. There’s the people who have abused us in whatever shape or form; the one who has manipulated us; the one who has lied, cheated, broken our heart and trampled on it, all the while not even noticing or caring. These evil people are going to be the hardest to forgive. But I can promise you it is possible and it is SO worth it. I can promise you this because I had to forgive somebody who sexually assaulted me when I was nineteen. I shrug my shoulders now, as if just a whisper in the wind; a moment of a life I no longer live. But it took me five long, strenuous, depressing, dark and deadly years to finally let go of my pain and make the decision to choose life rather than death.
But it wasn’t just by my power alone that I was able to forgive. It was only by the power of the Lord. And I say this because before I knew Jesus, I tried again and again to forgive. I was told again and again and I knew that forgiving was what I needed to do if I wanted to heal from my trauma. But something just didn’t feel right. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get over the fact that I have no idea who I was releasing my pain to… I had no idea how to let go… Because if I just let the other person “off the hook” then it’s as if they’re free of harm — or “karma” as I would have put it. But you see, first of all, the thing is, is that holding on to that pain has nothing to do with them. YOU are holding on to the pain, not them. And secondly, once you know Jesus, you can release that pain TO HIM, knowing that HE has your back and HE will make sure they have what comes to them. Because that person not only sinned against you, but against HIM as well. It’s also nice knowing Jesus, because you know that He has FORGIVEN you for your many sins against Him, AND if the other person who hurt you ends up coming to Jesus, you know they have been forgiven for their sins and hopefully you both will make it to Heaven one day, so you will be seeing them in Heaven… Thus, you may want to be on the same page as Jesus and forgive them.
It’s also nice knowing Jesus, because it’s nice knowing WHY people sin; WHY people are evil; WHY the world is the way it is. And it’s because it’s a fallen world. We are corrupted by the weight of our sins, and the schemes of the devil. Thus, Jesus is the biggest blessing of all, to be able to forgive us and love us enough to be with us in our sins and be gracious enough to help us through; to help us on our journey to be as pure and holy as we possibly can be.
Only by the power of the Holy Spirit, love of Jesus and grace of God can we understand the world and move forward; learning not to be bitter towards people, but instead kind and gracious.
2. WE BECOME BITTER TOWARDS GOD
We become bitter against God when we believe our ways are better than His. We get grumpy and resentful when we don’t get our way. We curse Him and ask “Why God?” when we should be constantly praising Him for whatever He is doing in our lives, because His “no” has a reasoning behind it. His “not right now” is saving us in the end. For He knows what is best for us, and His plans for our lives are always better than we can ever imagine.
We become bitter against God when we believe we have been wronged by Him; when we believe He isn’t perfect; when we believe He isn’t good; when we feel resentful for the way our lives have gone. We become bitter against God when we don’t know Him. But once we know our Lord, we could never be bitter or resentful towards Him. Once we know of His grace and mercy and forgiveness, we finally begin to understand Him.
Once we finally hit our breaking point and realize that our ways are not right or good; when we finally accept that we need help from the Big Guy; when we consider trying things His way, we learn that His ways really are better than ours. He really is better and stronger and more powerful than us. He really is the Almighty God He claims He is.
As for being bitter against Him for the way our lives have gone: again, the bad things that happen in our lives are due to SIN, not God. If anything, God is watching over you in all things and is going to use the bad for His glory. And you know what’s crazy, is that sounds so evil. But think of it this way: God gave US ALL free will. If He took that free will away from the bad people, then He could no longer BE the God He says He is. Thus, instead of taking the freedom away, He takes the evil and sin that is done in the world and turns it for His glory… BECAUSE He turns those who have been hurt into His followers; He saves the ones who want to be saved and healed and helped, and He is glorified because He turns people’s ashes into beauty. He uses the evil of people’s stories into the saved and WASHED CLEAN under the blood of Jesus. And then He uses those stories to get to others who have similar stories and the glory continues because all who are saved PRAISE the Lord — giving Him all the credit and thus, glory.
So, again, God is not the enemy but the rather He is the knight in shining armour. God is not the one we should become bitter against, but rather the One we should express all of our anger, frustration and resentment towards. TELL HIM of your hurts. But PRAISE Him through the journey. Because He is with you; He is listening; and He is going to come through on HIS own timing, not yours. Thus, endure patiently my dear friends.
3. WE BECOME BITTER TOWARDS OURSELVES
We become bitter against ourselves after years of neglecting our true emotional needs, or perhaps, trying to fulfill our emotional needs with all the wrong answers.
We become bitter after years of feeling shameful, guilty, and downright disgusted with ourselves. The “why did I do that” kind of mentality; the obsessive kind of mentality, never letting the past stay in the past. What is done and over with is never done in our heads. This thought pattern is corrosive and downright destructive to ourselves. We become bitter, but then hateful towards ourselves.
The only way out of this is forgiveness. We need to forgive ourselves. We need to have compassion for ourselves in those moments, and we need to let go of what is no longer helping us and what is now hindering us.
We need to give ourselves understanding and grace; space for realizing that we did what we did with the information we had, and NOW we have MORE information, thus being able to make better decisions and realizing the mistakes we’ve made in our past. We need to remind ourselves that mistakes are lessons; so as long as we learn from our past, that’s all we can really ask of ourselves.
We must allow God’s grace for us to pour out into our hearts, souls and minds, and allow that grace to spread into us being gracious to ourselves as well. We must also view our lives differently: we need to see ourselves how our Heavenly Father sees us: beloved, chosen, blessed little children. That’s exactly what we are: we’re all really just a bunch of children: ALWAYS learning new things… Or always SUPPOSED to be learning new things.
Which is why if we’re not learning from our mistakes we become bitter against ourselves. But if we chose to see the lessons hidden, then we get to learn and move forward, just like children. Which is also why Jesus says,
Once we become like children; once we allow God’s grace to run over and in us; once we become gracious and forgiving to ourselves, can we fight the urges to look bitterly at ourselves. Instead, we will understand, change, and move forward.
If you enjoyed the information here, you can read more in my book that this is extracted from:
